|Posted by Kelsy on December 31, 2019 at 1:20 PM|
As the decade comes to a close everyone seem's to be looking back to when it all started... In 2010 I was suicidal, I was a complusive liar seeking attention, I didn't know who I was, the reason I felt different in comparison to others or normal people who feel one way about love... and my school grades were as low as my blood pressure LMAO
As the years have gone by, I found passions, friends, and most importantly I found myself. I found who I was, and was able to accept who I was as a person and have grown so much.. I never once thought I'd be doing what I'm doing now. Being a content creator, while being successful at it! To be able to work with tons of amazing companies such as RedBull, PUMA, Ubisoft.... and now the dream Nintendo! I had no confidence in myself, and my anxiety was so bad that getting a job was a threat rather than help. I was fainting in school, I was super unhealthy in terms of weight (thin) and god knows how many times I saw hospitals back then haha
I'm so proud of myself. Through the entire decade all I've seen is growth. I've made many mistakes this decade, that has only helped me feel guilt, learn, and grow from it and to make things right from it. I wasn't proud of who I was 10 years ago, and now I can finally say I am proud. Though there's still a lot of room to grow!
Last year I admitted to having a lot of difficulty once again with Anxiety. I was beginning to have panic attacks daily, and my mentality was getting bad. I was beginning to show a lot of anger... not towards anyone but against myself. I was mad for having anxiety, I was mad at myself because I felt I was going back to when I was sick in 2010. I was angry at my body, and I began to over think and have a war in my mind against myself. This was very toxic, and unhealthy and I was even hating myself for who I used to be instead of looking at who I am now. After the event in October 2018, my girlfriend and best friend approached me to seeking help, in which it has now been a full year that I've been getting treatment in therapy to learn to love myself, let go of the past, and managing my anxiety.
I'm really happy to say that this year has been incredible. I have learned to manage my phobea, my anxiety has improved greatly and I have never been happier. Of course, I have my moments but so does everyone! I think the biggest thing and goal that I've achieved this year was not being angry at myself, learning to pat myself on the back and help myself through hard times both in and out of my mind. I want to thank you all so much for an incredible 2019.
My resolutions this year is now going towards my physical health, though my mentality is better it can always use work... but my physical health? LOL
I have low blood pressure, low iron, and I've been ill since October with hives. I also have gained 30 pounds... so this is my priority. I want to show my mental health how much I now care and love myself by treating myself and taking care of my physical health.
As announced in my 2020 vlog, I am also focused on Smash and Music. I did not get to travel nor compete as much this year as I wanted to because of the focus on my mental health, and focus on content as promised. So this year, it's all about smash!!! Music is a big part of my life, and I felt I've changed so much in the past year that I want to share that in my favourite language. I have been writing since 2016, and I just want to share all that I feel. So expect that!
Finally school, and content. Of course school has been a new approach this year and for the first time in my life I was SO excited for school and I'm more than excited just to get back to it once the holidays are finished. I've been maintaining amazing grades, while focused on my content. This will continue of course!!! I'm excited for all the challenges, and adventures that I will overcome and I hope you all will be there for the ride.
I love you all SO much and I thank everyone for sticking through my adventure this year and for the past decade...
I know I didn't get to compete much this year, but be ready because that's about to change.